katslosermouse

still forlornly think of her; I repress my need and cravings; but times like now they creep up.  I remember when I first spoke to her, how she magnificent she spoke down to me.  Once in a while I wrongly think that wish never met her, then wouldnt know such a beautiful, intelligent, and powerful woman existed, and that I wouldnt have to deal with not experiencing it. 

Havent been here for a while, due to my own misunderstanding and weakness.  Weakness to not accept who/what I am.  I'll keep this short, lest it turn into seemingly meaningless drivel.  I felt the need to talk to Her over the last few days.  I tried to be casual and coy.  She saw right through it.  When I called there was no lingering doubt.  I remember everything I've said to her and how passionately in my heart I believe it true- not a fantasy or a fleeting thought, but really how I felt.  Just dormant.  As always, the instant She spoke I realized not a thing, not a feeling, not a though about the way I felt about Her changed.  We spoke generally about servitude, casually about other things, and then I was reminded about the true meaning of absolute power.  She has renewed my hope to conquer my weakness and doubt.  I will walk around tomorrow knowing I am Her slave, like I should have always been acting.  I pray, to Goddess Katherine, to be kept there.

Le sens commun n'est pas si commun

I woke up and prayed to her, because all I said to her I meant with every essence of my existence, which she now controls.  I am still somewhat in shock to commit to this online, but in my heart I know its right.   I still feel totally vulnerable before her, and I pray, to her, that this feeling will never leave me.Whatever choice I thought I had, my Goddess has commandeered.  It is right.  I worked for a few hours and realized I was working for her.  Aside from falling in the drink, I found myself more focused in my tasks, knowing I was doing them for her.  I no longer work as a biologist, not as a consultant for a government agency, not for an engineering firm, not for any organizational hierarchy; I work for Goddess Katherine. 

Praise You, Holy Goddess Katherine, for everything   Praise you for acknowledging my existence   And for making it of use to You   Before, I was lost, alone, and absolutely worthless   Now, You have given me purpose   The purpose to please You and only You   And for this, I will thank you with every breathe I take   And do everything in my power to make you happy and serve my purpose   Even if that means sacrificing all that I have   Everything that I do is for You   Praise You, Goddess Katherine   Thank You, Goddess

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I will say this every day, for she has laid claim to me.  Goddess Katherine literally had me in tears as she took ownership.  There is no tomorrow for me, only for her.  I now live life under her rule; no fantasy, but the reality she imposes.  I will obey the most amazing being I could have dreamed of.  Thank you my Goddess.

My Goddess has instructed me to keep a written journal, with instruction to note my thoughts of her throughout my everyday life.  This entry contains random thoughts over the last couple weeks that have come to me.

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It is Sunday near the terminus of this leap year. I have taken the giantest of leaps myself, plunging myself to the feet of Goddess Katherine. She is the very image of beauty I have dreamed of since I was very young. Each time I am allowed to converse with her it is an intoxicating feeling. Just to know she’s there. I can feel her aura even remotely. It would be the greatest dream to be humbled at her feet, to bear the mark of her whip, to press my lowly lips against her royal feet as a sign of my complete submission. It is indeed the greatest of dreams, one I pray I may live.

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at work one afternoon
This is the first time I’ve regretted doing my job for less money rather than taking a job in business or something that may be less rewarding but can make more. She is that powerful to elicit that feeling.    My tribute to her, though a pittance to such a Great Lady, is steep to me. I will try my absolute best to meet it. I know I must do all for the opportunity to serve this perfect woman.

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. I look with laughing jealousy at her r/t slave, as he is lucky beyond words can describe. The thought of serving such greatness and being humbled by milady is the ultimate of all goals.  I never thought I could proceed just calling someone or through solely 'instant message box domination'.  Though I do not doubt her, in my weak moments I doubt myself.  I'll never be in the North American equivalent to Timbuktu; I may never experience her true power.  Do I have the strength to deal with that?

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With great compassion, milady gave me the undeserved opportunity to view her divine being on webcam. As I will never tire of saying, she is the amongst the handful of most beautiful individuals I have ever layed eyes upon. The thought of serving her reminds me of one of my favorite passages:

 

‘Pale, motionless, overwhelmed by this fearful revelation, dazzled by the superhuman beauty of this woman, who unveiled herself to him without modesty which he found sublime, he ended by falling on his knees before her…Milady let fall upon him one of those glances which make a slave of a king. Felton was a Puritan; he dropped the hand of this woman to kiss her feet. He no longer loved her, he adored her’

            -Alexandre Dumas “The Three Musketeers”

 

I dream of being Felton in this passage.

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I was at waiting at a job site this afternoon and began to think of Goddess and serving her. I began to think of scenarios and situations I could envision myself in serving her. I thought back reading a hardcore female supremacy website (I don’t remember the name as it was a while ago) in which two rituals they used kind of stood out and made an impression. In the first, a slave is whipped and made to crawl on his belly to a woman on a throne. There he is made to be her foot rest.

 

The second is a bit more obscure. I realize it might sound way out there, but it was the idea of complete submission and destruction of ego that sort of made me remember it. Not so much participating in it myself, but just the idea of it occurring left me awestruck. It follows the same scenario as the first but instead the slave lies on his back. Under the threat of a severe whipping, he is instructed to grovel and worship his mistress, telling her of her greatness, power, and beauty. The mistress places her foot over his mouth and he must move his head to continue groveling. I remember the mistress saying the feeling of the slave’s muffled words against her foot was intoxicating. Eventually, the mistress is pleased and the slave accepts his mistress’ foot in his mouth. This is not to say I expect this to happen, but the thought of it being milady was very powerful.
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 I cannot help to think of my Goddess. Her aura of beauty, power and perfect grace. I do worry about my ability to serve. The combination of intermittent contact, slow with money and times,  and distance is troubling.  I know I must try with my heart and soul and hope for her leadership to right me, as this is my dream and if I fail it will NOT be due to lack of effort.  However, weakness on my part in not being able to deal with circumstance continues to be disconcerting.

It seems not to matter how long may pass.  I admit when contact is intermittent, out of sight and mind from Her power, my hope wanes.  I know what she can do, even though I have only really basked in her presence.   But hearing Her, knowing She exists is always in the back of my mind.  I was compelled to call Her and within seconds nothing had changed.  Her beauty is unmatched and She makes me feel Her power with no effort.  She has such a handle and grasp on her power, that her sublime intelligence is equally intimidating.  I would crave to be degraded by Her, hear what I am, and what I'm supposed to be.  Know that she can compel me to beg for it by her command.  I know I can think of no other when I see Her, hear Her, feel Her power, know Her grace, fear Her, be intimidated by her presence, and be Her slave if she so makes it.

These are the thoughts I've written and carry with me as she has instructed.  I will continue to do so; only pray I may keep this feeling with me even as time passes when contact may be intermittent.

I have created this blog at the whim of Goddess Katherine and this name created at her divine behest.  I first spoke to her a few weeks back, and immediately realized she personified beauty and perfection.  The only picture I saw of her was a snapshot on keen; I certainly dont go around calling people randomly, given so many frauds.  Second she picked up the phone knew she was real, and instantly recognnized the unmatched combination of intelligence, grace, and power.  When talked to her a couple weeks later I was reduced to everything hoped would be.  She seized power with such a great ease and showed I have no defense against her.  

I am compelled to worship- I need to worship; she has made it so.  I pray I can crawl to her and live under her rule and beg to be made her slave.